How to Manage Your Perfectionism

Written by Lilianna Hogan
Medically Reviewed by Melinda Ratini, MS, DO on August 18, 2021
4 min read

Striving for perfection is an interesting concept. On the one hand, it makes you have a strong desire to succeed, which is good. However, when you take a closer look, you’ll understand that perfection is quite literally impossible. You are setting an unattainable goal for yourself, therefore, ensuring yourself failure. It’s a catch 22 that only ends in you disappointing yourself.

Zoom Out. Perfectionism often manifests itself when you spend hours on one task or project. You may notice that it can take you hours to do something that other people can do in a relatively short amount of time. When this happens, start by asking yourself, “Am I using my time wisely”?‌

Simply asking this question should help you shift your mindset away from trying to achieve perfection in everything. Sometimes simply getting something done is what is essential. However, focusing on details that no one but you will notice is not an efficient use of your time and will only cause you stress.‌

Shift Your Standards. In your quest to manage your perfectionism, you may find that you need to adjust your expectations and standards for your work. Changing your criteria may surprise you in how successful this tactic can be.

Instead of thinking of everything you do as a final draft in which you must bring your total effort and talents, scale it back a little. Sometimes presenting something that isn’t finished or filled out to the fullest extent can open up possibilities for others to add to your ideas and make them better.

Write Down Your Goals. When you sit down to get something done, the first thing you should do is make a checklist or an outline of what you want the finished product to look like. So often, perfectionists work to accomplish one thing but end up spending hours toiling over something as they constantly shift the goalposts of what they are trying to achieve. Having a specific goal and sticking to it can ensure that you stay on track.

Perfectionists often dwell in the past or tend to sit in ideas of things that could be. People who care to do these things are less likely to forgive themselves and create anxiety inside of themselves. Ways to get out ahead of the triggers that fuel perfectionistic tendencies include:

  • Figure out what triggers you. The first step to changing something is to recognize that it is happening. Try and think about when and how you get triggered into perfectionistic thoughts. Try not to judge yourself and simply identify your patterns.
  • Out with the old. If you find yourself sinking into old patterns of thoughts or feelings, attempt to move out of them. For example, if you are obsessing about one conversation, or are otherwise focusing on purely adverse events in your life, try and remember that you have this tendency.
  • Distract yourself. When you start to feel the spiral of stress and perfectionism take over, try and distract yourself. Do something low stakes and low stress just to break the cycle.
  • Remember your successes. Sometimes perfectionists can avoid specific tasks because they are scared of not achieving perfect success. However, actively reminding yourself of other times you have succeeded can be very helpful. It’s also important to remember other achievements in your life that have given you meaning in ways that you might not have expected.
  • Find someone you trust. It’s important to remember how common perfectionism is and connect with others as you attempt to shift your habits. Find someone who understands your struggle and that you trust. They can help you stay on track and point out when you are spiraling or focusing on unhelpful thoughts.
  • Reflect on your success. Every week, set aside a time in which you reflect on the progress you are making. Think honestly, “did I avoid anything this week because of a fear of failure?” Or perhaps, “Was there anything that I did this week that could have taken half the amount of time I spent on it?” Think about the times that you improved and redirected your energy in ways that felt more productive.

In short, things you should do are:

  • Remember, simply getting something done is the goal. Try not to obsess over small details.
  • Keep in mind the ways you are changing and have improved your mindset. Celebrate the little things.
  • Change your standards. Not everything should or has to be the complete version of what you envision.‌

Try to avoid:

  • Cycling through the same thoughts under the guise of problem-solving. Figure out ways for you to break the cycle, either through a distraction or speaking with a trusted advisor.
  • Endlessly exerting energy, time, and focus in search of perfection. Instead, figure out ways to turn your goals into smaller actionable items and stop when you get to them.
  • Trying to figure all of this out alone. Instead, involve others in your process of shifting your perfectionistic ways.