Emotions can be messy, confusing, or overwhelming. But they’re also important. In emotion-focused therapy (EFT), the goal isn’t to get rid of hard feelings. It’s to understand them and learn how to work with them.
“Emotion-focused therapy is based on the idea that emotions aren’t a problem to be fixed,” says David Klemanski, PsyD, a Yale Medicine psychologist and associate professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine. “They’re signals that really guide healing and transformation.”
EFT helps you pay attention to your emotions and notice what they’re telling you. You’ll explore where those feelings come from and how they show up in your life. Over time, EFT may lead to stronger relationships, better coping skills, and improved mental health.
What Does Emotion-Focused Therapy Mean?
Emotion-focused therapy (EFT) is based on the idea that emotions are strongly tied to who we are. They help us make sense of our needs, shape how we relate to others, and guide our daily choices.
EFT is built on a few core themes:
- If you lose touch with your emotions, it’s harder to know what you really want.
- Avoiding emotions can lead to patterns that hurt your well-being or relationships.
- Over time, pushing emotions away can make them harder to deal with.
An EFT-trained therapist can help you reconnect with your emotions in a supportive space. They’ll guide you through feelings that seem too big or painful, and help you respond in ways that feel more honest and productive.
Unlike some types of therapy that help you change thoughts or actions, EFT focuses on exploring your feelings and why they matter.
“We help clients feel their emotions in a safe and structured way,” Klemanski says. “That process can lead to shifts in how people see themselves and how they relate to others, and how they can move forward in life.”
Emotion-focused therapy vs. emotionally-focused therapy
People often mix up these two therapies with similar names, but they’re a little different. Here’s how Klemanski explains it:
Emotion-focused therapy, created by Leslie Greenberg, is mostly used for individual therapy. It helps you understand and work through difficult emotions that might be getting in the way of your well-being. It’s also adapted for couples and families.
Emotionally-focused therapy, developed by Sue Johnson, is mostly used for couples. It focuses on helping people feel more emotionally safe and connected in their relationships. It can also be helpful for families or individuals.
To put it simply, emotion-focused therapy (Greenberg’s approach) helps people process their inner emotions. Emotionally-focused therapy (Johnson’s approach) helps people improve their emotional bonds with others.
Emotionally-focused therapy for couples
Emotionally-focused couples therapy (EFCT) is a type of short-term talk therapy that helps partners feel closer and more secure in their relationship. It’s based on the idea that strong emotional bonds are key to a healthy connection.
Instead of teaching communication or problem-solving skills, EFCT helps couples create new emotional experiences that build trust and safety. You might benefit from it if you feel stuck in negative patterns or distant in your relationship.
In this type of therapy, couples learn how to:
- Explore their main emotions, such as feeling unloved or hurt
- See the deeper reason behind other emotions, such as anger or contempt
- Support each other emotionally during tough times
- Stay calm during conflict and respond with respect
EFCT is grounded in attachment theory, which looks at how people connect and feel safe with others. Therapists use this approach to help each partner better understand their own feelings and support each other to build a stronger relationship.
“It’s not fixing communication techniques, necessarily, but it’s more getting to the emotions underneath the fights and reshaping patterns that keep couples stuck,” Klemanski says.
Emotion-Focused Therapy Techniques
Emotion-focused therapy is a collaborative, active process. In each session, you and your therapist work as a team to explore your emotions and what they’re trying to tell you.
Rather than simply giving advice or analyzing thoughts, your therapist helps you slow down, tune in, and stay present with your feelings. The goal is to gently guide you from overthinking into deeper emotional awareness.
In a session, your therapist will:
- Listen with compassion
- Not pass judgment on your feelings
- Ask open-ended questions
- Help you process what you’re feeling in the moment
Therapists trained in EFT often use techniques such as:
Emotion coaching. You practice how to identify, name, and make sense of emotional responses. A therapist might help you notice and label what you’re feeling so you can explore what it means. This can help you better understand how your emotions affect your life.
Chair work. This is when you talk to an imagined person or part of yourself. For example, you might speak to a parent, partner, or even a younger version of you. This can help you work through emotions you’ve been carrying but haven’t fully processed.
Exploring emotional layers. You look beneath surface emotions to uncover deeper ones. For instance, therapy may help you discover that underneath your anger is a deep sadness or grief that hasn’t been dealt with.
Experiential exercises. You pay close attention to how emotions show up in your body, especially during specific moments or memories. These exercises help you shift from thinking about emotions to actually feeling and working through them in real time.
Klemanski says that learning to name and understand your emotions can help you connect the dots between how you feel and how you respond. That kind of insight can lead to more emotional flexibility, stronger relationships, and a clearer sense of who you are.
How Does Emotion-Focused Therapy Work?
Two foundational skills are important for EFT therapy outcomes:
- Becoming more aware of your feelings and accepting them
- Using your emotions as helpful information to guide your choices and avoid negative outcomes.
Each person moves at their own pace through emotion-focused therapy. In your sessions, your therapist will try to help you:
- Gain awareness of your emotions
- Be open to welcoming your emotions, no matter what they are
- Allow your emotions to flow freely without restriction
- Regulate your emotions so they don’t overwhelm you
- Describe how you’re feeling in detail
- Understand the “why” behind your emotions
Once you achieve these outcomes, your next steps in therapy include:
- Identifying emotions as helpful or unhelpful
- Using your emotions to guide your actions
- Understanding where unhelpful emotions come from and changing them
- Forming healthy coping strategies
- Establishing an internal monologue that helps you overcome negative thoughts
How Does Emotion-Focused Therapy Affect Your Health?
Emotion-focused therapy is beneficial in a variety of scenarios:
Depression. If you have depression, you may tend to avoid situations in your day-to-day life. This often leads to a lower mood and may continue in a downward spiral. EFT helps you face these situations with a sense of empowerment. While it doesn’t cure depression, emotion-focused therapy gives you the tools to overcome symptoms that lead to worse feelings.
Anxiety. If you have severe anxiety, you may be overwhelmed by your inability to regulate your emotions. Fear and worry overtake your life, and functioning becomes more difficult. Emotion-focused therapy empowers you to differentiate between helpful and unhelpful emotions for better self-regulation.
Emotion-focused therapy also helps address:
- Serious or repeated childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect
- Eating disorders
- Personality disorders
- Relationship problems
Emotion-Focused Therapy Stages
EFT follows moves through three main stages. Each one builds on the one before it and helps you better understand and respond to your emotions. They include:
Emotional awareness and bonding
This first stage lays the foundation. Together with your therapist, you’ll:
- Build emotional safety and trust
- Learn how emotions show up in your body and daily life
- Set a shared focus for therapy and what you want to work on
- Behind to name and explore emotional patterns as they happen
As Klemanski puts it, many people enter therapy stuck in their heads and tend to overthink their feelings. In EFT, your therapist helps you shift to a more connected emotional space.
Accessing and processing core emotions
Once you feel more grounded, you can start to identify emotions that drive your reactions. These are often feelings that you tend to avoid or that keep showing up.
This stage may include:
- Breaking down strong responses to understand what’s really going on
- Using techniques like chair work or emotion coaching to process intense feelings
- Learning the difference between protective emotions (such as anger or defensiveness) and more vulnerable ones (such as fear, sadness, or shame)
- Connecting current patterns to earlier emotional wounds
“We try to get beneath the surface,” Klemanski says. “Someone may come in feeling angry all the time, but underneath that might be profound grief they’ve never processed.”
Emotional transformation and integration
With insight and support, your emotional patterns start to shift. You may find new ways to relate to yourself and others that feel more open, honest, and steady.
In this stage, you might:
- Express emotions more clearly and calmly
- Respond instead of react during stressful moments
- Build stronger self-compassion and healthier boundaries
- Feel more in control of your emotional world
By the end of therapy, many people feel more emotionally flexible and comfortable with their feelings. That emotional change often ripples outward, improving your relationships and lessening the stress of everyday life.
What Are the Pros of Emotion-Focused Therapy?
Studies show that EFT is helpful for both individuals and couples. In multiple studies that compared therapeutic approaches, emotion-focused therapy gave results that were as effective as (if not more effective than) other traditional methods of therapy. One notable study found that EFT was 77% effective at preventing relapse.
Other benefits include:
- Understanding the relationship between outcome and empathy
- Building stronger connections between couples
- Feeling emotions and experiences more deeply in everyday life
- Making sense of emotions
What Are the Cons of Emotion-Focused Therapy?
EFT can’t treat all issues. If you have specific psychological issues, such as panic or impulse control, EFT can only get you so far. Your experiences with panic and impulse control extend beyond your emotions to:
- Thoughts
- Feelings
- Sensations
Like almost all treatments, EFT also has downsides, such as:
It can be hard. For emotion-focused therapy to work, you have to commit to the process and be willing to work through tough feelings. If you aren’t completely open and honest, you won’t get the desired outcomes. If you are able to show compassion to yourself and be honest with your therapist, then EFT may be right for you.
Symptoms may remain. Emotion-focused therapy is designed to improve your overall functioning. If mental health symptoms like depression or anxiety remain after completing EFT, talk to your doctor.
Is Emotion-Focused Therapy Effective?
Yes. But success isn’t just about feeling better: EFT works when you begin to understand your emotions and respond to them in healthy ways.
Emotion-focused therapy is considered effective when you:
- Become more aware of your emotions overall
- Feel more in control during tough moments
- Can name and manage your feelings more clearly
- Express emotions without shutting down or blowing up
- Stop avoiding emotions that make you uncomfortable
- Build more stable, connected relationships
As therapy progresses, you may find that moments that once overwhelmed you now feel easier to manage. You may react with more patience, feel less stuck in old patterns, and start trusting your emotions instead of fearing them.
One clear sign that EFT is helping is a positive shift in how you show up for yourself and others. “We look for healthier emotional expression in relationships, greater self-compassion, and better boundaries with people,” Klemanski says.
Questions to Ask Your Emotion-Focused Therapist
Before you start any type of therapy, it’s a good idea to make sure it feels like the right fit. EFT can be intense at times, so it helps to know what to expect and how your therapist will support you along the way.
Here are some questions to ask before or during your first few sessions:
- What does a typical EFT session look like?
- How will we know if this therapy is working?
- How long do you think I might need to come?
- What if I get overwhelmed during a session — how do you handle that?
- Is it normal to feel worse before I start to feel better?
You might also want to ask:
- What are emotional patterns, and how do you help people work through them?
- Will we talk about my past or mostly focus on what I’m feeling now?
- How is EFT different from other therapies?
- Do you use specific techniques? Where can I learn more about them?
- How can I stay motivated if the work feels hard?
If you and your partner are thinking about trying EFT together, consider asking:
- How does EFT help couples who feel stuck in the same arguments?
- Will we meet together the whole time or have some one-on-one sessions?
- How do you handle it if one of us is more emotional or open than the other?
- What can we do between sessions to keep making progress?
- How will we know if we’re improving — even if we still argue sometimes?
Everyone’s experience with therapy is different. These questions can help you and your therapist build a plan that feels supportive, doable, and focused on what matters most to you.
Takeaways
Emotion-focused therapy (EFT) helps you understand your feelings and where they come from. It teaches you how to deal with big emotions in a healthier way.
EFT can help with things such as anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, or relationship problems. As you get better at naming and working through your emotions, you may start to feel more stable and connected to others.
Emotion-Focused Therapy FAQs
What is an example of emotion-focused therapy?
Let’s say you often get mad at people, but you’re not sure why. For example, you snap at your partner or shut down during arguments. In EFT, your therapist can help you figure out what’s behind that anger. For instance, you may realize that the main emotion is sadness or fear of rejection that you need to process.
What is the difference between EFT and CBT?
They’re both types of talk therapy that help you understand how past experiences shape how you think, feel, and act today. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) focuses on thoughts and behaviors. It helps you spot unhelpful thinking patterns and build coping skills.
EFT focuses on your emotions. It helps you understand where strong or confusing feelings come from and how they shape your relationships. It’s especially useful if you feel stuck in emotional patterns and you’re not sure how to change them.
How long does emotion-focused therapy take?
EFT usually takes about 8-24 sessions, but it depends on what you need. If your emotions feel really stuck or go way back, it might take longer. You’ll know you’re done (or making progress) when you feel more in control of your feelings and how you react to yourself or other people.
