By Summer Forlenza, as told to Michele Jordan
On the surface, I might look like your typical 32-year-old Southern California girl. I enjoy spending time with my family, friends, and my 6-year-old Wheaten terrier/poodle mix, Ronin. He’s the best! Beneath face value, however, I’m a woman who has lived with atopic dermatitis for years – many of those very challenging ones.
I’ve had atopic dermatitis – or eczema – since I was a toddler. So much of my life has been impacted. I felt different from kids my age. My ability to make friends was due in large part to my skin condition, and it definitely impacted my self-confidence and self-esteem.
My name is Summer, but don’t get it confused. I’ve had my share of winters with atopic dermatitis. Still, I’ve learned some amazing lessons with each passing season.
Skin Care Is Self-Care
Living with a condition like eczema – which can flare at any time – means you have to be serious about taking care of your skin.
My skin care process is dedicated to preserving my skin barrier. That means I only cleanse once a day. I use an oil cleanser first if I have makeup on and a gentle cleanser after that. Then, I apply a layer of cream that helps with scarring and a thick moisturizer (something with the National Eczema Association’s seal of approval).
In the morning, I use moisturizer, a vitamin C serum if my skin is not flaring, and I finish with sunscreen. I’m grateful for small miracles because I wasn't able to use sunscreen until starting my injection medication for my eczema. Before then, everything I tried irritated me!
If I'm going on a morning walk, I always wear SPF clothing because the sun is a trigger for my skin flares. I will also wear a mask on high-pollen days. My daily routine is on autopilot now. I am intentional about it. I am serious about my PM (and AM) skin care routine. I never skip it, and I use all eczema-safe products.
What Self-Care Looks Like for Me
I prioritize sleep over everything. I think I have a pretty good sleep hygiene situation. I don’t bring my phone to bed. Keeping a dark bedroom, choosing a regular bedtime, and reading or doing puzzles instead of scrolling before bed can go a long way. I’m so grateful that my career allows me to have a hybrid work situation. I can control my environment at home with an air purifier and other things in my practice.
I also keep up with a good exercise routine. I do yoga, Pilates, and weight-lifting. I also walk – a lot! But I can’t get too sweaty, or it will flare my skin.
My self-care practices are more than just physical, however. I’m very much into mindfulness. The more I can be mindful and present with my body, the more I notice flare-ups early before they get out of hand.
In my line of work as a therapist, I see a lot of people with physical conditions. In most cases, taking care of your physical body becomes non-negotiable. It’s knowing what your body needs and meeting those needs in an intentional way.
The Risk of Neglecting You
The opposite of self-care has got to be self-neglect. We’re all guilty of it. For me, it looks like periods of doing too much and then having to recover.
If I burn myself out by saying yes to too much, I know after years of living with AD that it can put me into a flare. Then, it’s a domino effect, and I’ll have to miss more work, cancel class (I teach on the side), and I will have no energy. Next, I’m on the couch and then depression and anxiety can set in. This is all because I did not prioritize my health on the front end.
While I have grown to understand the importance of self-care, the people in my circle don’t always get it. I’ve been perceived as dramatic or overreacting if I have to cancel plans or make other adjustments. But how people respond in those moments is very telling.
My advice for people who are struggling with self-care or don't have support around them is to remember that meeting their own needs can improve their relationships as well. I've learned that taking care of yourself is taking care of your relationships. When I make sure to meet my body's needs for nutrition, movement, and rest, I am better able to be present with my loved ones. I have the energy to enjoy the time we have together.
Life Lessons That Are More Than Skin Deep
I became a therapist because of the struggles I endured – especially as a teen – with my skin. I wanted to share the lessons I’ve learned along the way about building confidence and finding your voice.
For someone newly diagnosed or anyone struggling to maintain self-care, I have a few tips.
First, I would advise starting small and choosing one priority to focus on. I suggest focusing on sleep because that is the foundation of everything else!
Second, please remember that the quality of your relationships dictates the quality of your life. Pouring time, energy, and attention into your partner, friends, and family is always worth the effort. Managing skin issues can make you want to isolate yourself, but don’t do it. Stay connected with loved ones. Sometimes, you just need someone to listen.
Third, you may have to reframe how you view self-care. Be curious about the messages you’ve received. Think about who might benefit if you neglect yourself.
Self-care is not just manicures, bubble baths, and taking days off of work. It’s also routines, discipline, knowing when to say no (and yes), and working to meet your body's needs. It's not selfish to prioritize self-care; it's essential!
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SOURCE:
Summer Fortenza, licensed marriage and family therapist, Rancho Cucamonga, California.
