5 Things You Can Do With Someone Who Has Dementia

Your parent or spouse probably isn’t able to do all the household tasks they used to, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be involved in some way. Think about what they can handle. It might not be an entire multi-step chore, like preparing a meal. But they may be able to take on a step or two in the process. 

Here are some ideas:

• Move laundry from the washer to the dryer
• Fold or put away laundry
• Take the items needed for a meal out of the refrigerator and place them on the counter
• Water plants
• Feed or brush a pet
• Sweep or vacuum
• Other simple cleaning chores, like dusting or cleaning a mirror

Your loved one’s mind doesn’t work the way it used to, but you can still do things that engage their thinking and maybe even bring up old memories. 

You can:

• Read to each other
• Write cards or letters to family and friends; you might want to write what the other person dictates
• Look at old photos or compile a photo album or scrapbook 
• Play a simple board or card game they can follow
• Play old songs they will remember, and sing along

Physical activity is important to ward off depression, keep the mind as sharp as possible, and to maintain overall health. Getting them started might take a nudge from you. Here’s are some things you could do with them:

• Follow an exercise video designed for older adults
• Do a chair workout if your loved one can’t stand or balance well
• Dance together
• Take a walk 
• Work in the yard
• Do yoga or a stretching routine designed for older people
• Join an exercise class or group for people with dementia

It’s good to go on occasional outings for as long as you feel comfortable and your loved one continues to enjoy it. Getting out of the house can help increase physical activity and mental and social engagement – all good things for you and someone with dementia. 

Here are some rules of thumb to help make outings easier with someone who has dementia:

• Plan to go out at the time of day when they are at their best in terms of mood, energy, and awareness.
• Think about the type of place you’re going. Make sure it’s easy for your loved one to get to tables, chairs, bathrooms, and other features will be easily accessible for your loved one there.
• Don’t expect to stay out as long as you might normally. Be ready to head home when you see any signs that they have gotten tired, agitated, or too confused.
• Consider carrying a note that says something like, “My [spouse/parent/partner] has dementia. They might do or say unexpected things. Thank you for your patience.” 

Social activity can get harder as your loved one’s condition advances. People with dementia can feel anxious or uncomfortable in social situations. They might also want to avoid seeing friends and family because they are embarrassed about their memory loss. 

But social time can also be good for people with dementia.

Socializing engages the mind and may even help slow the cognitive loss of mental skills in people with dementia. It can help keep you anchored in the here and now – a good thing for people with dementia who lose track of where they are or what time period they are living in. Feeling connected to others also improves quality of life, mood, and overall well- being. 

When you join others for social activities, make sure they know the best ways to interact with your loved one. A few key pointers are:

• Call them by their name and make eye contact to keep them engaged.
• Don’t say “Don’t you remember?” or point out when they don’t remember things.
• When they don’t remember you, your name, or an event, just remind them without making a big deal about it.
• Don’t take it personally if they don’t remember you or act unkind.
• Don’t argue when they are confused. Acknowledge the feeling behind it and move on.
• Don’t speak loudly or talk to them like a child.

Exactly how you and your loved one socialize with others depends on your comfort with taking them out; their own comfort and abilities; and how well they can get around their mobility.

Here are some ideas that you can tweak to fit your needs:

• Go to a friend’s or family member’s home.
• Invite a friend or family member to the house.
• Have a video chat with friends or family. 
• Join or start a book club.
• Host a family game night and play games that are appropriate for your loved one.
• Join a group, like one for exercise or focused on a shared interest or shared spiritual beliefs.
• See if there is a memory cafe in your area; check this directory: https://www.memorycafedirectory.com/state-directories/

As you know, your loved one’s condition is always changing. So your plans and activities with them may always be changing, too. As conditions shift, make tweaks as needed so you can keep spending meaningful time together for as long as possible.