What Is Bereavement?
Bereavement is the time of grief and mourning after you lose someone or something very important to you.
"Grief is the internal response to loss," says licensed professional counselor Barb Kamlet of GriefJourney Counseling in Aurora, Colorado. "Mourning is the external expression that happens through things like attending a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life, journaling, talking to family or friends, joining a support group, or seeing a therapist."
Causes of Bereavement
Some of the causes of bereavement include the loss of a:
- Close friend or family member
- Pet
- Marriage or other relationship through divorce or separation
- Job or career
- Goal or dream (when you feel it's no longer possible)
You might also be in bereavement after losing:
- A home, neighborhood, or community after a move
- Good health after an illness or accident
- Youth
- Finances or financial stability
Bereavement Symptoms
Grief can affect you emotionally and physically. You might also notice behavioral differences.
Some of the emotional symptoms of bereavement include:
- Sadness
- Shock
- Disbelief
- Guilt
- Anger
- Loneliness
- Regret
Physical symptoms may include:
Behavioral symptoms may include:
- Confusion
- Trouble focusing
- Difficulty making decisions
- Anxiety
"Grief has been linked to several negative mental and physical health outcomes," says Megan Shen, PhD, an associate professor at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center. "In some studies, prolonged bereavement can even predict higher rates of mortality, particularly among spouses."
Types of grief
"Intense grief and mourning within the first year of loss are completely normal and expected," says Shen. "But individuals' type, display, and experience of grief will vary drastically, depending on the nature of the loss and closeness of the relationship."
Some of the more common types of grief include:
Anticipatory grief. This is grief before loss; for example, when someone close has been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Acute grief. The saddest, most painful period just after a loss
Normal grief. These are the common feelings and reactions after a loss. The feelings gradually ease as time passes.
Complicated grief. Also referred to as prolonged grief disorder, feelings of loss are crippling and you can't overcome them. Often it's diagnosed in people who are still intensely grieving at least one year after a loss.
Disenfranchised grief. Sometimes people feel grief over a loss that is not often validated. It could be after the death of a divorced spouse or an abuser.
Exaggerated grief. This intense, often unexpected, reaction to a loss might include nightmares or suicidal thoughts.
Delayed grief. This is when feelings of sadness are pushed down and don't surface until later after a loss.
How to Manage Bereavement
Just as there are many reactions to a loss, there are different ways to cope during bereavement. But some are better than others.
"While many people think it will be helpful to find ways to avoid their grief by distracting themselves or finding ways to keep busy, it's counterintuitive to what helps, which is for the griever to give themselves permission to feel their feelings rather than avoid them," says Kamlet.
That doesn't mean dwelling on what happened. Instead, you understand that feeling sad is normal. When those feelings come up, accept that you don't have to push them away and take the time to process how you feel. These tips can help you manage bereavement:
Take care of yourself. Try to get quality sleep, eat good-for-you foods more often than not, and move your body. That could be walking, gardening, or something else you enjoy. Meditation, yoga, and other relaxation techniques can help your overall mood.
Have a routine and set goals. It can help to have a routine so you have a regular schedule and feel in charge of your day. Try to eat meals at the same time, shower daily, and go for a walk.
Accept help. Let people in your life support you by bringing you meals, taking care of your kids or pets, or running errands. If your employer offers bereavement leave, take it. You can also ask for help at work or school, like coming in later, working from home, or taking more breaks.
Don't ignore your feelings. Try not to constantly get lost in work or activities that let you completely ignore how you feel. Take time to feel sadness, remember happy memories, and cry.
Talk to others. You might find it helpful to talk to a close friend or family member about how you feel. Or you might want to join a support group for people who have gone through a similar loss. It can help to talk about your loss or listen to how others are handling it. Consider talking to a professional counselor.
Don't mask your grief. Avoid excessive drinking, drugs, or other damaging behaviors. They can harm your physical and mental health.
Bereavement Leave
There is no federal law that requires companies to give employees time off after the loss of a close family member, but many do it anyway.
The Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) is the federal law that sets guidelines for minimum wages, overtime pay, hours worked, and other workplace issues. The act doesn't require employers to offer paid time off for attending a funeral or dealing with grief.
But some companies and a handful of states offer bereavement leave. These policies usually cover a few days (one to five) of unpaid leave. Even if there is no official policy, some employers will allow unpaid leave or to use paid time off that they've already earned.
"Most companies I've worked with and speak with include bereavement leave as part of their benefits," says Deniece Maston, a human resources knowledge adviser for the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). "It's seen as a basic support for employees going through one of life's hardest moments."
According to SHRM's 2024 Employee Benefits Survey, 91% of employers reported offering paid bereavement leave.
Seven states have laws requiring employers to offer their employees bereavement leave in certain situations. The regulations are in place in California, Illinois, Maryland, Minnesota, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. Each state has different rules for which family members are covered with bereavement leave, how many days an employee can take off, and whether the leave is paid or unpaid.
Students and bereavement leave
Some school districts, colleges, and universities offer students the chance to make up coursework when they take time for bereavement.
About 25% to 30% of college students go through the death of a close family member or friend during any given year, according to recent studies. Students dealing with grief often also end up with academic challenges as they heal.
Takeaways
Bereavement is the time of grief and mourning after a loss. It often comes after the death of someone close to you, but it could be after the loss of a relationship, pet, job, or home. Symptoms can be emotional, physical, behavioral, and spiritual. You can work through bereavement by practicing self-care, talking to someone about your feelings, taking time for memories and sadness, and accepting help from others at work or at home. Some employers offer bereavement leave, allowing you to take time off – usually a few days – after a loss.
Bereavement FAQs
Is bereavement leave paid?
Some employers and states allow you to take paid time off that you already had earned and use that for bereavement leave. But in general, bereavement leave is unpaid.
What is considered immediate family for bereavement leave?
Typically, the employer defines what is considered a close family member. This usually includes a spouse or domestic partner, parent or stepparent, child or stepchild, grandparent, or sibling.
How many days do you get for bereavement?
Coverage varies among employers. A range of one to five days is common for the death of a close family member. But some may offer up to two weeks.
How should I ask for bereavement leave?
If your company doesn't have a formal bereavement policy, reach out to the human resources department and explain what happened.
What states have mandatory bereavement leave?
Only seven states – California, Illinois, Maryland, Minnesota, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington – require employers to offer some sort of bereavement leave for close family members. The laws differ about which family members are included, how many days they get off, and whether any of the leave is paid.
In Washington, for example, bereavement leave is only offered after the death of a child. Oregon offers up to two weeks of unpaid leave, while California offers up to five days.
Is bereavement always about death?
Usually, but not always. "Although most people think of grief in terms of a death loss, it can apply to any kind of loss – life transitions like divorce and retirement, moving, loss of health, loss of a treasured possession," says Kamlet. Bereavement can follow the loss of a pet, financial changes, or sadness over the loss of youth or lifetime goals.
How do you work through bereavement?
It can help to practice self-care – making sure you get enough sleep, eat regular, healthy meals, and exercise. Accept help from friends and family, including meals or help with errands. If your company offers bereavement leave, consider taking some time off. Talk to someone, like a close family member or friend, join a support group, or meet with a counselor. It's important that you don't try to ignore your feelings of sadness or loss. Give yourself time to think of happy memories, acknowledge your sadness, and cry when you want to.
Can you use bereavement leave for a pet?
Most bereavement policies focus on immediate families, but some companies are more open-minded. Ask your human resource manager about your employer's specific policy.
