When you have depression, the only thing you may feel like doing – staying home alone – could actually be making your depression worse. Getting out, seeing friends, and socializing could actually lift some of your symptoms and do you a world of good.
But when you’re feeling depressed, how do you work up the energy and motivation to socialize? First, put things in perspective: No one expects you to put on your party dress and dancing shoes and go out all night. Think baby steps. One day at a time and one small outing at a time will inch you closer to a brighter outlook.
Socializing and Mental Health: What’s the Link?
When you are depressed, it’s common to want to isolate yourself. It can be a coping mechanism. You may avoid seeing friends or family because your depression makes you feel like a burden. But the problem is that isolation can feed depression. So you get stuck in a loop where depression leads to isolation, which leads to depression … and so on.
If you can pry yourself out of that vicious cycle and socialize, you might find yourself in a new positive cycle. A little company can help relieve depression, which can make it easier for you to be around others, which can continue to relieve depression.
Volumes and volumes of research show that people who feel socially connected are less likely to be depressed. Keep that in mind as you try these steps for stepping out.
How to Get Back Out There
Just because you know that a little social activity might do you some good, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. But these are simple strategies to safeguard the energy you do have while nudging you slightly toward more face time with others.
Open up to loved ones. You don’t have to tell anyone about your mental health, but it might make socializing easier if you do. Your friends might be more understanding or willing to accommodate you if you ask for specific arrangements that are different from what you usually do with them.
Take baby steps. Don’t expect to go from isolating at home to showing up at your high school reunion. That would be pretty daunting. Here are some ideas for more low-key encounters that can get you moving in the right direction:
- Practice greeting neighbors in the street or clerks at the store.
- Respond to unanswered texts, emails, or calls from friends or family.
- Meet by video chat if you’re not ready to leave the house.
- Meet just one trusted friend for coffee or a walk, and set a time limit, such as 1 hour.
Make smart choices. Know your limits. When you first get back out there, choose to spend time with the person or people whom you feel the most comfortable with. Don’t choose people who might add to your anxiety or feelings of overwhelm. Choose manageable settings, too, like a quiet cafe in the afternoon rather than loud, crowded environments like a bar or restaurant at night.
Ask for what you need. If your friends’ plans for the day sound like more than you can handle, don’t be afraid to ask for changes. You can say, “I’d really like to see you, but could we go for a walk in the afternoon rather than have dinner at a restaurant at night?” Good friends care for you and want you to feel comfortable and secure. Again, this ask might be easier if your friends know what you are going through.
Let your friends handle it. On the flipside, it might feel like too much for you to make the plans or suggest the times and locations. When you feel ready to see friends, maybe you’ll be most at ease if you just ask them to make the decisions. You can say “I’d love to see you. Would you mind just choosing a place and letting me know when to be there?”
Bring a buddy. Once you’re ready to go to bigger events, spend time with multiple people, or venture into more crowded spaces, consider bringing a trusted friend or partner for moral support. If you’re ready to go to a party, for example, ask the host if it would be all right to bring someone along.
Have an escape strategy. This could mean a number of things. Maybe you have an excuse ready if you need to duck out earlier than planned. Or maybe this just means making sure you have your own ride home and don’t have to wait for others in order to leave. Whatever it means, before you head out to your social activity, be sure you know how to make a quick exit if you must.
Take breaks. Your first forays back onto the social scene can be overwhelming. It’s OK to take a step away. When you feel you need a few minutes of silence or alone time, excuse yourself to the restroom, step outside for a breath of fresh air, or take your leave to call or text a trusted friend for encouragement.
Pace yourself. Carve out time for downtime after your social outings. Don’t run from coffee to lunch to drinks, and then head to a dinner date. Expect to need time to recharge on your own after your first few encounters. That will help you regain the stamina to socialize again.
Show interest in your friends. When you’ve been holing up on your own for a while, you might forget some of the basics of interacting with others. You’ve been going through a lot yourself, but don’t forget to show an interest in others. Your friend will feel loved, and you might enjoy taking the focus off yourself and directing it toward someone else.
Practice, practice, practice. The longer you stay on your own and avoid friends and family, the harder it will be to resume your social life. It will still feel hard even after your first few meet-ups. But don’t recoil. Get back out there. You’ve got to keep practicing to make socializing feel natural again so that you can keep reaping the benefits.
Show Sources
Photo Credit: E+/Getty Images
SOURCES:
General Psychiatry: “Isolation and mental health: thinking outside the box.”
Bell Foundation: “Why do people with depression feel like a burden?”
PLOS One: “Social connectedness as a determinant of mental health: A scoping review.”
Young Minds: “Tips for Talking to Your Friends About Your Mental Health.”
Heads Up Guys: “Social life, friendships and depression.”
Blurt It Out: “Depression: Surviving Socialising.”
