When Depression Runs in Your Family

Written by Keri Wiginton
Medically Reviewed by Smitha Bhandari, MD on May 09, 2025
6 min read

Sharda M. didn't grow up thinking much about mental health. Her mom had depression for decades, but no one asked what triggered it or how it shaped the rest of the family. They treated it like any other chronic condition. You take meds. You move on. 

Sharda (a pseudonym she requested for privacy and safety reasons) is an immigrant who lives in Chicago. Now 43, she works at a nonprofit that advocates for the LGBTQ+ community. 

Her work is meaningful, but it can take an emotional toll. And as an immigrant permanently living in the U.S., she's learned how that added layer of cultural stress can quietly wear you down. 

Still, when a therapist first wrote "depression" in her chart, Sharda resisted the label. 

"I had a really strong reaction," she says. "I was like, I'm not depressed. My mom has depression. She can't get out of bed for days. That's not me."

Over time, though, she started to notice what her version looked like. Not crippling, but draining. 

"My life comes down to just doing three or four things a day: Have I taken a walk? Have I showered? Have I fed myself something I cooked?" she says. "If that's all I'm capable of that day, then I know I'm in a low phase."

That shift in thinking, along with encouragement from close friends, led her to talk therapy, mind-body work, and a new kind of awareness: Depression can look different across generations, and it doesn't have to take you down to be worth paying attention to. 

If one of your biological parents has had depression, your risk is at least two to three times higher than someone without that history. And if both a parent and grandparent have struggled with mood disorders, your chances go up even more.

"That doesn't in any way mean that you will definitely have depression," says psychiatrist Gerard Sanacora, PhD, MD, director of the Yale Depression Research Program. "But [family history] does increase your risk pretty significantly." 

It's not just your genes at play. Your environment matters, too. Growing up around a parent with mental health challenges can shape how your brain and nervous system respond to stress later in life. 

Sharda didn't learn about her mother's depression until after she'd left for college. How her mom's condition affected her childhood development isn't entirely clear. But she's working with a somatic therapist to explore how hidden stress and trauma may linger in her body. 

"As an adult, I distinctly remember episodes of my mom being bedridden and me stepping up to cook meals," she says. "But it's still really strange to me that I spent most of my life in a home where my mother had depression and I hadn't realized it. I'm still unpacking what that means."

Not everyone will use the word depression, even if they've lived with it. So if you want to understand your own risk, start by asking direct, practical questions. Talk to close family members first. That's your parents, grandparents, or siblings. 

Try asking: 

  • Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or another mental health condition?
  • Have you taken antidepressants or gone to therapy?
  • Were there times when you couldn't work or keep up with daily life?

In most families, mental health history isn't exactly handed down like a favorite recipe. 

"Not many of us get a folder from the eldest daughter saying, 'Here's everything you need to know,' " says psychiatrist Aderonke Pederson, MD, an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital. "Most of us have to piece it together."

Think about what you saw or heard growing up: 

  • Did a parent or grandparent seem withdrawn or disconnected for long stretches?
  • Did they stop working, cancel plans, or disappear from social life?
  • Was there substance misuse, a psychiatric hospitalization, or death by suicide? 
  • Were there stories about a family member with a mystery illness?

This isn't about blaming or labeling anyone. It's about seeing the full picture so you can take care of yourself, just as you might if diabetes or heart disease ran in your family. 

Knowing you're at a higher risk isn't a reason to panic. But it is a reason to plan. 

"The family history piece should not be something that makes us feel defeated," Pederson says. "It should make us feel empowered." 

You don't need a formal diagnosis to take action. Start with simple self-checks:

  • Are you sleeping too much or too little? 
  • Eating more or less than usual? 
  • Feeling tired, on edge, or emotionally numb?
  • Having trouble focusing or getting things done? 

Any one of those things can happen now and then. But if symptoms stack up or stick around for more than a couple of weeks, it may be a sign your mental health needs attention. 

That doesn't mean you need to jump straight to medication. Antidepressants aren't used like a vaccine; they're not meant to prevent depression in people who've never had symptoms. 

So what does help? "The boring stuff," Sanacora says. That means getting good sleep, eating nutritious food, building strong social ties, and managing other health issues like obesity, diabetes, thyroid problems, or vitamin deficiencies. 

"But when we talk about a healthy lifestyle, exercise is really the cornerstone," he says. "My patients joke because I drill it in so much. They know the first thing I'm going to ask before they leave my office is, 'What are you going to do this afternoon for exercise?' "

Therapy is also worth considering. That's because big life changes, good or bad, can knock you off balance. A therapist can help you manage stress and prepare for things like losing your job, moving, having a baby, ending a relationship, or going through grief. 

"A lot of people come into [therapy] when they feel fine. You might want to explore some of your childhood experiences or just understand yourself better," Pederson says. "Or there may be a specific issue you want to address in a therapeutic space."

Even short-term cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may help. Think of it like mental strength training – something you can practice when things are calm, so you can handle what life throws at you later. 

In some ways, learning to manage depression has both strained and strengthened Sharda's relationship with her mother, who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. But she doesn't see her family history as something to fear. For her, patterns are something to understand and learn from. 

"I'm the age right now that my mom was when she first experienced depression, and I've already been in therapy for years," she says. "And so I see myself making different decisions related to my health."

Sharda knows staying grounded takes ongoing effort. Her toolkit includes therapy, community, nourishing meals, meditation, music, and a new relationship with movement. "Going for walks feels like a source of rest for me," she says. "And I take a lot more wandering strolls now."