What Are Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects three major areas of your life — how you feel about yourself, how you deal with other people, and how you act. Big mood swings, troubled personal relationships, and impulsive actions are common among people with BPD.
These symptoms typically show up by the time one reaches their young adult years. Like other personality disorders, BPD tends to last a long time, causes distress, and makes it hard for you to function in everyday life.
Most common borderline personality disorder symptoms
Not everyone with BPD has the same symptoms, but the most common ones include:
Fear of abandonment. When you are alone, you might feel uncomfortable, scared, and angry and think people are neglecting you. That might lead you to cling to people, track their movements, or try to stop them from leaving. Or you might push people away before they can reject you.
Unstable, intense relationships. Your feelings about someone may swing from one extreme to another. You might see them as perfect and then suddenly see them as terrible.
Unstable self-image. The way you see yourself may change often and suddenly. You may also frequently change jobs, friends, or opinions. You might feel guilty, ashamed, or like a bad person.
Big mood swings. You might feel very happy, angry, irritable, afraid, sad, or otherwise intensely emotional for a few hours to a few days at a time.
Impulsive, risky behavior. These can include things such as gambling, dangerous driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating, and drug misuse. It can also include self-destructive acts such as suddenly quitting a good job.
Chronic feelings of emptiness. You might feel sad, bored, worthless, or unfulfilled a lot of the time.
Anger issues. You might often lose your temper and get into verbal or physical fights.
Episodes of paranoia. Under stress, you might have temporary paranoia — intense feelings that others want to harm you — and may lose contact with reality.
Affective dysregulation (emotional instability)
You might hear some of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder grouped as "affective dysregulation." That's a way of describing the wide emotional swings that people with BPD often experience. It includes sudden intense feelings of anger, sadness, loneliness, or other emotions.
It can also include suicidal feelings and thoughts. These kinds of thoughts might come and go. If you're thinking about suicide, you can call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time of the day or night if you are in the US.
Disturbed patterns of thinking
Other symptoms of borderline personality disorder may be grouped as disturbed patterns of thinking, such as believing you are a terrible person or feeling that you don't really exist.
In some cases, people with BPD may have brief or long periods of hallucinations (hearing or seeing things that aren't there) or paranoid thoughts.
Quiet borderline personality disorder symptoms
Some mental health professionals use the term "quiet borderline personality disorder" to refer to people who have many of the symptoms of BPD but don't express their emotions outwardly. They may keep their anger and other feelings inside. This idea comes from research that suggests borderline personality disorders can show up in different subtypes — meaning with different distinct clusters of symptoms. But quiet borderline personal disorder isn't an official diagnosis.
Borderline personality disorder symptoms in men
BPD is less commonly diagnosed in those assigned male at birth than in those assigned female at birth, but that may be due to misdiagnosis. Some symptoms also seem more common in men than in women, including explosive anger and problems with drug and alcohol use. Men with borderline personality disorder also appear more likely than women to have an additional mental health condition called antisocial personality disorder — which can lead them to deceive and take advantage of other people.
But these traits aren't seen in all men with BPD and can be seen in people of any gender.
Borderline personality disorder symptoms in women
Women are more commonly diagnosed with BPD than men and are more likely to have additional problems such as eating, mood, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorders.
These traits aren't seen in all women with BPD and can happen in people of any gender.
Other BPD symptoms
Some people with borderline personality disorder might have other symptoms such as self-harming behaviors, like skin cutting. Some may also show a lack of empathy, meaning they have difficulty recognizing the feelings and needs of others.
People with BPD also are frequently diagnosed with other conditions that can complicate their lives. These can include anxiety, eating, and mood disorders, as well as attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder.
How Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms Show Up in Relationships
Borderline personality disorder can affect all your personal relationships, including those with your friends, family members, and romantic partners.
Your fears of abandonment might lead you to do things such as constantly phoning or texting people, even in the middle of the night, physically clinging to people, or threatening to hurt yourself if someone leaves.
Or you might feel others are smothering or trying to control you and act in the opposite way — pushing people away, withdrawing, and rejecting them.
Your views of a friend or loved one might go from one extreme to another — seeing them as ideal partners or companions one day and as terrible people the next. You might see your relationships as either perfect or doomed.
All of this can be confusing and upsetting for you and the people around you. You may go through a lot of breakups as a result.
What Triggers Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms?
Sometimes, troubling or stressful events can trigger or worsen some BPD symptoms.
The biggest triggers for people with BPD are often relationship troubles. Feeling rejected, criticized, or abandoned can trigger symptoms.
When some people with BPD are very stressed, they might get more paranoid and lose touch with reality. They might dissociate, meaning they feel foggy and spaced out or feel like they exist outside their bodies. Some might hallucinate, hearing or seeing things that aren't there.
Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms vs. Bipolar Symptoms
Borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder are both mental health conditions and share some symptoms — most notably a tendency to shift between big emotional highs and lows.
People with bipolar disorder have times when they are depressed and may feel hopeless and worthless. At other times, they are in a manic state — meaning they seem full of energy, may speak rapidly, have racing thoughts, and feel unusually important or powerful.
But in between these mood extremes, people with bipolar disorder may function quite well and have stable relationships. That doesn't tend to be true for people with borderline personality disorder. Another difference is that the mood shifts of bipolar disorder are less likely to be triggered by daily events. People with borderline personality disorder are constantly on edge and likely to react to anything that seems like criticism or rejection.
However, it is possible to have both borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. So, getting a full diagnosis from a mental health provider is important.
If You're Experiencing Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms
If you see yourself with these symptoms, talk with your doctor.
BPD can be tough to diagnose. Just because you have some of the symptoms doesn't necessarily mean you have this disorder or any mental illness at all.
Some of the symptoms can point towards similar mental illnesses, such as antisocial personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. Some symptoms may also be linked to substance abuse.
To get the most accurate diagnosis possible, your doctor can refer you to a mental health provider, such as a psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, or clinical social worker. During the exam, you'll be asked to talk about your medical history and symptoms, including how they affect your relationships and work.
Because BPD may be passed down through generations, be prepared to answer questions about any mental health issues in your family. In some cases, the provider might ask to speak with your friends or family members, as they might have valuable insight about some of your symptoms. Some providers will recommend a physical exam or blood work, too.
How to Manage BPD Symptoms
Managing your borderline personality disorder symptoms will likely mean seeking out professional help, and following a long-term treatment plan.
The main treatment is likely to be a form of talk therapy, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which can help you develop new skills for dealing with painful emotions and conflicts in relationships. Group therapy might also be helpful.
Medication might help you manage some symptoms or additional mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression.
With time and effort, many people will have fewer, less severe symptoms, function better, and have a higher quality of life.
Replacement behaviors
When your BPD symptoms flare up, there are some immediate things you can do to help yourself -- safe behaviors that can replace more harmful ones. For example:
If you are angry, you might:
- Rip up some paper.
- Hit a pillow.
- Exercise.
- Play loud music.
If you are sad, you might:
- Cuddle a pet or soft toy.
- Listen to soothing music.
- Let yourself cry.
If you are anxious, you might:
- Take some deep breaths.
- Take a warm bath.
- Enjoy a hot drink.
For Loved Ones
If you care about someone with the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, encourage them to seek a diagnosis and get help.
You can also help by:
- Learning about BPD
- Participating in family therapy if it's offered
- Getting therapy for yourself if you need it
- Offering emotional support, understanding, and patience
It's also important to watch for any signs that your loved one is harming themselves or thinking about suicide. If they are in crisis, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline toll-free at 988.
Takeaways
The symptoms of borderline personality disorder can affect how you feel about yourself and other people and damage good relationships. A lot of the symptoms stem from a big fear of abandonment and a tendency to have strong reactions to any criticism or rejection. But recognizing the symptoms can be the first step to getting help and having a more satisfying life.
