Multiple sclerosis can take a toll on all your relationships. If your symptoms flare, you might not feel up to going out and socializing. You might even wonder if some people can’t deal with your condition.
MS also can affect your self-esteem, if you feel like it makes you less attractive or less fun to be around.
But it's important to have people around that you can depend on. You can do some things to keep those relationships healthy:
- With people you know well: Let the people close to you know how MS affects your body and mind. Talk with friends or family about what’s going on with your health. Tell them why you may have to skip some activities.
- With new people: Tell new friends or co-workers about your MS only when you’re ready. You don’t have to let everyone know about it right away. It’s OK to wait until you're comfortable with them.
Remember, you're much more than your MS. Keep a positive self-image. You deserve good relationships.
If You're Dating
When scheduling dates, try to notice when your MS symptoms aren’t as bad. Are there times of day where you tend to feel better? That's a good time to meet someone new, when you tend to feel your best.
On first dates, you want to make a great impression. But with MS, you may want to tweak what you wear. If balance is a problem, high heels might need to stay parked in your closet. Keep heels 2 inches high or lower, and favor blocky heels over spiked ones for the sake of your balance. Clothing that may make you feel comfortable might be looser fitting or wrap-around (closing in the front) so it’s easier to get dressed.
When should you tell someone you’re dating that you have MS? It's up to you – and you don’t have to mention it right away unless you want to. But if you get serious, talk about it the way you would anything else that’s important. Give them time to ask questions.
To last, a new relationship needs a foundation of trust. That's especially true when you have a condition like MS. You want to be with someone you can who loves you, understands your limits, and who’s going to be there, no matter what your disease might bring. If they aren't ready to do that, it may be time to move on.
In a Long-Term Relationship?
MS can change things. But you and your partner can adapt.
You may need to rely on your partner for care at times, like helping you bathe or driving you to doctor's appointments. This can be stressful for you both.
Make sure you both give and receive love and attention. It should be a balance. Find ways you can help your partner with chores or tasks. Make sure your partner knows you appreciate their support and love.
Talk about money concerns or stress. If your partner feels they do more than their share, let them know you're aware of that. Find solutions to problems together or get counseling if you need it.
Your Sex Life
Whether you’re in a committed relationship or casually dating, your MS symptoms may affect your sex drive at times. You may have less desire, or it might be harder to get aroused.
MS can affect how your brain sends signals to nerves all over your body. You may not sense touch or have the same response as you did before you had MS. You might also think it makes you less attractive or sexy.
This can be hard on your partner. They may feel rejected or want more sex.
You can spice up your sex life by doing a few of these:
- Talk openly with your partner about what sex and intimacy mean to you both. Focus on what you can do instead of what you can't.
- Try sex toys if your MS makes it tough for you to move in certain positions. Look for new ways to enjoy sex with your partner.
- Intimacy is just as important as sex. Let your partner know you love them and want to feel close to them.
Family Members
Your family may not always understand how MS affects you. Symptoms like fatigue or confusion may be hard for others to pick up on. They may not know what help you need.
Your family members may also worry that you'll fall or need to go to the hospital.
Here are some tips to help your family understand your MS:
- Let your family members ask questions or share their concerns. Be open and honest with them.
- Try to accept how they respond to your needs or handle their concerns in their own way.
- Tell your family members you're grateful for their help. Thank them when they do something for you or are just there for you.
- Make sure family members know they don't have to watch you all the time. Everyone needs private time.
Friends
Friendships are just as important as family ties. Speak up if you need your friends' help. Be specific so they know exactly what to do.
If you don’t feel up to a social event, it's OK to let them know you need to stay in.
Travel can be a good way to enjoy time with friends. As you plan a trip, let them know what type of activities you can handle. Line up several options so you have choices if your MS affects what you're able to do.
Co-Workers
You may have good friends at work, and you may want to talk about your MS with them. They'll want to help you if your MS makes some work tasks too hard. And if you know they’re there for you, work may be less stressful for everyone.
But only tell people about your MS if you feel very comfortable with them. And remember that they're not required to keep your MS a secret.
